Five things I thought I needed to be happy (and why I was wrong)

For a long time, I chased the wrong things. I believed that if I just ticked the right boxes: money, plans, approval, love… then I’d finally be happy. But as it turns out, I have none of these, yet I’ve never been happier or more satisfied with my life.

So, why is this?

I saw a quote the other day that inspired this blog. It went something like this: “In life, you arrive with nothing, spend your whole life chasing everything, and still leave with nothing. Make sure your soul gains more than your hands.”

And I realised I had been chasing the wrong things all along. Until I moved to London.

When you move abroad, your priorities shift significantly. You no longer have the same savings. All the money you earn goes to rent and travel. And it's all because you know London has a time limit. For many Aussies in London, there is a time cap, so time feels more precious. Suddenly, every weekend, you're making the most of everything the city has to offer because next year, you might not be here anymore. It's a thrilling, stressful, thought-provoking way to live.

I rarely spend money on myself here. The manicures, new clothes, and little luxuries I used to buy with my pay check are non-existent now. I wear the same outfits over and over, my nails are short and stubby, and I own the oldest possible model of a Google Pixel phone that feels like it could die at any moment and probably will.

But every weekend is filled with plans that fill my soul.

Right now, I’m on a plane to Ibiza with my best friends I met last year. I don’t know how much longer I’ll be living this incredible lifestyle. I’m no philosopher, all I know is how I feel. And that is that I have never felt so alive and happy.

But… I don’t have any of the things I thought I needed to be happy. And yet I am.

So, here are the five things I thought I needed to be happy and why I was completely wrong about all of them.

1. Stuff

What I Thought:

If I could just buy all the things I wanted, then I’d finally be happy.

What I Learned:

Happiness isn't something you can purchase.

I remember the day I moved into my little beach shack in rural Western Australia. It was a furnished rental (thankfully, since I arrived with nothing but a few suitcases and one very unimpressed cat). The furniture looked like it had been there since the sixties—faded florals, sagging couches, and the oven was so old I didn't know how to turn it on. Most of the plates and mugs didn’t survive the chaotic unpacking process, but I quickly realised I only really needed one of each anyway.

There was no TV. So my mum ended up digging out an ancient one from the attic for me. It had no remote, a couple of battle scars, and looked like it had time-travelled from the 90s. I didn’t have a TV stand either, so I shoved it on top of my clothes dresser and had to awkwardly move my underwear drawer every time I wanted to watch something. With my hotspot activated (no internet, obviously) and finally figuring out the Chromecast, I watched my first movie, curled up in bed with my cat. I still remember it now because I was honestly so excited to watch a movie.

The last thing on my mind was that the tv was tiny (compared to the 17 inch I was using only days before I moved) and the screen was so old the colours came out dull and fuzzy.

What I’ve learned is this: possessions don’t make you happy. Comparisons don’t make you happy. The moments you think are too small to matter? They’re the ones that actually do.

They say money can't buy happiness, and I’m a true believer in that. Yes, money makes life more comfortable. But when everything is handed to you on a silver platter, it loses its value.

I've always wondered if that’s why millionaires do crazy things, like go to the moon or get into submersibles. And this is after they've bought their superyachts and private islands. They’re chasing something that not even money can buy. Appreciation.

2. Closure

What I Thought:

I needed answers to move on. Why didn’t that relationship work? Why didn’t I get that job? What was wrong with me?

What I Learned:

Closure is a luxury, not a need.

I used to believe I couldn’t let things go until I understood them. I thought if I could just get the reason someone didn't want me, I could fix whatever was broken inside me and make sure I’d never fail again.

But here’s the thing: sometimes you don’t get an answer. Sometimes people leave quietly. Sometimes opportunities fall through for reasons that have nothing to do with you.

And that’s okay.

You don’t need to keep bleeding yourself dry, looking for answers you’ll never get. Sometimes silence is the answer. You don’t need closure to move on. You just need to choose to keep walking.

People will come and go from your life. Let them. The ones who matter will stay.

3. A Perfect Life Plan

What I Thought:

I needed a detailed life plan, complete with backup options, to feel safe.

What I Learned:

Having no plan is sometimes the best plan.

I used to live for structure. I had timelines mapping out my future. I thought that if I planned it all perfectly, I could control it.

Spoiler: life doesn't care about my spreadsheets.

The best things that have happened to me were completely unplanned. My first breakup wasn’t in the plan, but it led me to London. Quitting my teaching job wasn't in the plan, but it led me to blogging.

Not having all the answers isn’t scary anymore. Now, it feels like possibility and freedom and excitement.

In other words? Fuck the plan.

4. The Approval of Others

What I Thought:

People’s approval was everything. If people liked me, I was doing life right.

What I Learned:

You don’t owe anyone a version of yourself that’s easier for them to like.

I used to chase validation like it was the last train of the night. I lived for people’s praise. People’s approval gave me a high that nothing else could.

But the problem with outsourcing your self-worth is that you also hand people the power to take it away.

The day I stopped chasing everyone else’s approval was when I finally had space to approve of myself. It wasn't an overnight transition though, and there's still days where I actively have to acknowledge and then stop myself letting peoples opinions determine how I feel about myself.

Not everyone is going to clap for you. That’s okay. Learn to clap for yourself.

5. A Boyfriend

What I Thought:

I believed I needed a boyfriend to feel complete.

What I Learned:

Being single isn’t a waiting room for your real life to begin.

I used to think that being in love was the prize. That a relationship would fix me. That my life was incomplete until someone chose me.

There are countless people in relationships that make them feel lonelier than being single ever could. Many stay in toxic dynamics out of fear or habit, not love. These days, nearly one in three marriages end in divorce… a sobering reminder that being coupled doesn't always mean being connected.

I remember my first year of being single. I went on a dating spree, convinced I needed to find someone fast. But looking back, I wasn’t searching for a boyfriend, I was trying to patch a hole in my heart. I mistook connection for healing.

Three years later, that hole is gone. But it wasn’t a partner who filled it. It was time, solitude, self-love, and emotional honesty. I didn’t need someone else to complete me, because I was never incomplete. I just had to learn how to love myself, and finally put myself first.

So now, if I have to wait years for the right one (or if the right one is me) that’s a million times better than being stuck with someone who isn’t right. Being alone doesn’t mean you’re lacking anything. Sometimes it means you’re finally whole.

So, What Actually Makes Me Happy?

Friendships that are honest and soul-filling. Family who love me unconditionally. The freedom to try and fail and try again. Adventures that don’t go to plan. A little bit of chaos, and a whole lot of curiosity.

Happiness isn’t in the next purchase, the next relationship, or the next checkbox. It’s right here, in the messy, beautiful, unpredictable now.

A x