How to master the art of being single

“What’s a queen without her king? Well, historically speaking, more powerful”— Unknown

I’m a huge believer that your single years are some of the best years of your life. It’s the one time where you get to be unapologetically selfish. Every choice, every plan, every decision is about you.

That said, I didn’t always see it that way. When I first became single after six years in a relationship, it felt like hell. I hated the emptiness of my bed, missed having a built-in best friend, and longed for the emotional safety net of “we.” Loneliness hit hard.

But three years later, I wouldn’t trade that period of my life for literally anything. That uncomfortable period of my life taught me more about myself than the 24 years before it ever did. Living in a tiny shack by the beach, with nothing but my own thoughts for company, I had no choice but to stop being afraid of myself. The more I leaned into the discomfort, the more powerful I became. By the time I hopped on a plane to the other side of the world, fear had nothing on me.

So if you’re freshly single, or maybe stuck in that “I just want someone” phase, let me tell you this: don’t rush it. This is your time. Focus on these things, and soon, life will be so good you won’t even think about settling for anything less than extraordinary.

Fill your own ship

If you feel like something’s missing in your life, trust me, it’s not a partner. I once learned a psychology hack that stuck with me: picture your life as a ship with multiple compartments. Each compartment represents an area of your life (career, friendships, passions, adventures, goals). If one compartment (say, your relationship) grows too big, the whole ship tilts and becomes unstable. But when your compartments are balanced, your ship stays steady, even if one area takes on water. In other words: don’t let any single part of your life define you. Balance keeps you afloat, and it also means you can be perfectly happy even if one compartment is missing.

I want you to get out a piece of paper, and draw a picture of this ship. What are your compartments? If you feel like something is missing in your life, focus on your hobbies, friendships and goals. And if you can’t fill those compartments, that’s a great place to start. In other words, stop waiting for someone else to fill the emptiness, and fill it yourself.

“I think it’s very healthy to spend time alone. You need to know how to be alone and not be defined by another person.” — Oscar Wilde

Enjoy your freedom

If you’re single and you’ve never taken a solo trip, I want you to do it. It doesn’t have to be a flight across the world or a six-month backpacking adventure. Start small. Last year, I took myself two hours down the road to Bath for a weekend, and it ended up being one of the best weekends of my life.

I grew up obsessed with Jane Austen, so wandering those cobblestone streets, knowing she once lived there, felt almost sacred. I stretched out on the grass at one of the filming locations of Pride & Prejudice and read for hours, losing myself in the pages. I drank wine in little bars and watched strangers come and go. I took myself out to dinner and spent hours in a bookstore until I forgot what time it was. It was slow, it was simple, and it was completely mine.

There’s something profoundly magical about reaching that point where you don’t just tolerate your own company… you crave it. A few years ago, I couldn’t bear the thought of being alone. Now, it feels like freedom. When you learn how to love being with yourself, the world opens up, and suddenly no one else has the power to take that away.

“Maybe some women aren't meant to be tamed. Maybe they just need to run wild and free until they find someone just as wild to run with them.” — Candace Bushnell

Don’t rush the right person

I remember someone once telling me, “If you knew you were going to meet the love of your life in six months, how would you spend those months?”

I thought about it and realised I would simply enjoy the life I’ve worked so hard to build, knowing it won’t last forever. I’d continue spending weekends writing, going out with friends, and saying yes to spontaneous, last-minute plans.

There’s no denying that life changes when you’re in a relationship, but understanding that your single years are precious is a game changer. Love has a way of surprising you, and without even realising it, your person could walk into your life tomorrow. But until then, your life, fully lived on your own terms, is enough. More than enough.

“Too many women throw themselves into romance because they're afraid of being single, then start making compromises and losing their identity. I won't do that.” — Julie Delpy

Spend your money how you like

Here’s the truth: no one should ever control how you spend your money. Being single is your chance to reclaim it fully. I remember feeling uneasy in my last relationship whenever I spent money on myself. Subtle comments about how a coffee was a “waste,” or how getting my nails done would be better put into savings. Back then, I second-guessed every little purchase, as if my choices needed permission.

Now, I see things so differently. If I’m going to work 40 hours a week, I will not let anyone else have an opinion about how I use the money I earn. I love being able to book flights around Europe without having to consider anyone else. I love saving as much or as little as I want, without negotiating or justifying it with anyone. These days, when I walk past a nail salon, I’ll step in for a pedicure. Guilt-free, and just because I can. And every time I do, it’s a little reminder that my happiness, my choices, and my freedom are mine, and mine alone.

“I am learning to love the sound of my feet walking away from things not meant for me.” — Aarti Khurana

Have high standards and don’t lower them

The longer I am single, the higher my standards become. And not because I’m a prude. When you create a life on your own, especially into your late twenties and early thirties, it becomes easier to say no to someone who isn’t right. To be honest, I had no idea what I was looking for as a teenager. All the boys I had a crush on at school didn’t like me, and all the boys who liked me… I didn’t like them. So when I met my first boyfriend at university (a man I liked and who liked me back) I thought, this is it. I jumped straight in, without really knowing what I wanted.

Now, at the ripe age of 27 (which I will continue to claim is mid-twenties, thank you very much), I can safely say I know exactly what I want in a future partner. And I know this simply because I now know who I am. I’d much rather have high standards and never meet my person than settle for someone who doesn’t treat me right. Besides, I recently read about a woman in her eighties who lives in a castle full of cats… so honestly, my future alternative doesn’t sound too bad.

“A man for me is the cherry on the pie, but I’m the pie and my pie is good all by itself.”— Halle Berry

When you lose everything, you discover what was missing

Going through a breakup sucks. It sucks bad. I remember driving away from my ex’s house, my car packed to the brim, thinking I had lost everything. My partner, my home, my identity.

It wasn’t until I settled into my new life that I realised how much my sense of self had been tied to being in a relationship. Time on my own felt completely foreign.

Stripped to the core, I started fresh. For the past three years, every decision I’ve made has been my own. And for the first time in my life, I can confidently say I know who I am. And damn, it feels good. It turns out, I hadn’t lost everything, I had finally found me.

A final note

Being single isn’t a gap to fill, it’s a chance to fall in love with your own life. Fill your days with what makes your heart full, trust yourself, and never settle for less than you deserve. Because when you truly know and love yourself, the world opens up, and everything else, including love, becomes a beautiful bonus.

A x